Posted in lessons learned

Lost (A Letter to my Son)

I wrote this letter after Miguel’s first big seizure. I am reposting it here.

16831337_10154957437152567_503573453_nI thought I’ve lost you. It was the scariest experience in my life. When I saw you stopped breathing and your eyes were no longer responding, I thought that was it.

I couldn’t explain the exact emotions I felt during that moment when they were all trying to make you breathe again. There were so many things going on in my mind that I couldn’t make a sense of all of them. It was just the ringing in my head that I could hear. Everything paused and it was only you that I was able to see.
They were doing a lot of things on you. I knew something serious was happening. They were in panic mode. I could hear the nurse saying that you’ve already been poked 7 times and they still needed to poke you. You really have tiny veins and it has always been difficult for them to administer medicine to you intravenously. I was told that you were already seizing for 20 minutes that they needed to drill your bone to give you the seizure medicines. I knew it would be painful but you were unconscious so you didn’t put up a fight. 
It took them 40 minutes to make you breathe on your own again. 
I am so sorry your Dad and I couldn’t shield you from all the pain. We feel really bad that you have to go through all these. We feel helpless. We, too, feel lost many times. But know this, my son, we will always be here to hold you in our arms. I will never tire of watching over you and spend sleepless nights making sure you’re okay… until the new world comes when you won’t have to suffer anymore.
It will not be long. It’s almost here. Promise.
(Revelation 21:4 – “And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”)


I am a full-time mom to four beautiful kids -- three girls and a boy. My youngest child, Miguel, has microcephaly. He was diagnosed when he was two months old. Since then, other symptoms surface such as seizures, global developmental delay, low muscle tone and neurological disorders. His doctors have not really determined the disorder causing his symptoms so it's been my quest to do my own research and help his doctors come to a final diagnosis. I started this blog to share with others lessons I've learned along the way.

3 thoughts on “Lost (A Letter to my Son)

    1. Thanks Addie for taking the time to read this post. What helps us get through episodes like this is our hope in God’s promise that “he will make all things new” (Rev. 21:5). 😊


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