Posted in lessons learned

Lost (A Letter to my Son)

I wrote this letter after Miguel’s first big seizure. I am reposting it here.

16831337_10154957437152567_503573453_nI thought I’ve lost you. It was the scariest experience in my life. When I saw you stopped breathing and your eyes were no longer responding, I thought that was it.

I couldn’t explain the exact emotions I felt during that moment when they were all trying to make you breathe again. There were so many things going on in my mind that I couldn’t make a sense of all of them. It was just the ringing in my head that I could hear. Everything paused and it was only you that I was able to see.
They were doing a lot of things on you. I knew something serious was happening. They were in panic mode. I could hear the nurse saying that you’ve already been poked 7 times and they still needed to poke you. You really have tiny veins and it has always been difficult for them to administer medicine to you intravenously. I was told that you were already seizing for 20 minutes that they needed to drill your bone to give you the seizure medicines. I knew it would be painful but you were unconscious so you didn’t put up a fight. 
It took them 40 minutes to make you breathe on your own again. 
I am so sorry your Dad and I couldn’t shield you from all the pain. We feel really bad that you have to go through all these. We feel helpless. We, too, feel lost many times. But know this, my son, we will always be here to hold you in our arms. I will never tire of watching over you and spend sleepless nights making sure you’re okay… until the new world comes when you won’t have to suffer anymore.
It will not be long. It’s almost here. Promise.
(Revelation 21:4 – “And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”)

Living with microcephaly


I would say that the first year was the worst with a lot of confusion, shock, anguish and tears.

We were told that Miguel has microcephaly when he was two months old. A doctor in the emergency noticed his small head and referred us to a pediatrician who confirmed that he really has microcephaly. I was sad, shocked and angry at the same time. Continue reading “Living with microcephaly”